we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
