My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
