You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
