ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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