Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just forgot I was standing up.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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