are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
