Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I supernannyed him into submission
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