dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
