I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize