that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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