DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Can I color on your dick again?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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