oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
