i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
