doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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