adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
