i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
