my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
