toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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