would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
