he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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