textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
