i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
