when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
