Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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