Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
