why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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