i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
