is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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