did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
