absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
