i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
