So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
