would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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