sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
