Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
