Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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