Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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