Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
