I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
