I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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