I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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