so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
