The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Randomize
