Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
