My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
