moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
