just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
