Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
