theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
