the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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