I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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