Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
