a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
