I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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