he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
