I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
