I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
