How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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