I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
