you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
