Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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