considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
