Swine flu. Run for my life!
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
