someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize