Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
