sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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