its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize